If only...

Give me a reason to want to wake up in the morning.
Something fun.
I want excitement, exploration and adventure.
A hike through the woods would be nice.

I'd do yoga, if my mat were clean, if my floor were clean,
...if I really had enough space in this cramped little room.

I'd sing a song, if I liked my voice, if I knew the words to a song,

if it served any real purpose at all.

I'd dance, if I had the space, if I had a collection of music to dance to,

if someone would watch and clap,
...if someone would dance with me.

I'd draw a picture, if I had a place with good lighting,

if I could scan my artwork when I was done,
if all my drawing supplies on hand,

if I felt the least bit inspired inside my heart...

I'd read a book, if I had a quiet comfortable place to read,

if I had a good book I really wanted to read.

I'd be happy to play a game of hacky sack, or spar on the grass,

or tumble and play like little kittens;
If I had a playmate or three who'd play with me,

and some soft fluffy foliage to tumble in...

I'd make an extravagant raw vegan meal,

with nori rolls as the appetizer,

dipped in a sweat and spicy sauce,
I'd make stuffed mushroom caps alongside raw zucchini noodles,

with a thick tomato sauce,
I'd make pizza in my dehydrator at 110 degrees,

and top it with peppers, tomatoes, onion, garlic, chives

and marinated mushrooms,
I'd make a coconut cream pie with a thick crispy crust,

a creamy coconut filling and a light fluffy topping,
and I could serve a delicious sweet and sour ice-cream cake too...

If only anyone could afford such an expensive meal,
if only someone would appreciate my hard work,

if only it would mean something, help someone,

or give me some satisfaction.

I'd play a video game,

if I could find one that'd hold my interest for more than an hour.

I might even watch television if I had one hooked up,

or if anything good was on,

or if I had a comfortable couch to watch it from.

I'd be delighted to paint a picture if I had the canvas, paints,

and brushes set before in a large comfortable well-lit area.

I'd love to photograph beautiful models,

and be photographed with them,

if only I had a high quality camera and sexy model friends.

I might be up for board games,

if only if I had a new game to play and new people to play with,
a nice gaming table in a well-lit space,

and some good gaming snacks that were light and healthy.

I'd clean something, anything really,

if only it would stay clean, if only it would really benefit someone,
if only I could feel like I wasn't completely wasting my time.

I'd go grocery shopping,

if we didn't already have plenty of things in the kitchen.

I'd eat breakfast,

if I had an appetite.

I'd go for a bike ride, if my bike didn't have a flat,

if my husband could bike with me, if I had somewhere to bike to.

I'd garden, happily and joyfully, I really would,

if only I had new plants to plant, if only I had more soil to add,

if only...

I'd play an instrument, if I was any good at music,

if I owned an instrument to play, if anyone would listen...

I'd make a board game, if I had the funds to print my first play-test copy,

if I had play-testers lined up,
if I had a good space to invite my play-testers over.

I'd make a video game, if I had a couple willing programmers,

if I had an animator, if I had a model-maker and texturer,
if I had a nice set-up with enough computers, if I had the time.

I'd make a board game,

a video game and a browser game each to educate people about their choices,
to show others how their spending affects the planet,

to show them how there is enough food for everyone,
to show them how everything they eat causes or solves every problem they have...

if only I had the money,
if only I had the time, if only I had the right friends...

I'd start up a restaurant with incredible cuisine,

with its own green house for the freshest produce possible,
if only I owned a good location,

if only I had a few employees on board for a couple months without pay,
if only I knew enough about taxes,

paperwork and other government garbage.

I'd start up a raw vegan healing commune today,

round up the volunteers to build the community structures,
and begin readying the land for dozens of fruit trees and permiculture,
if only I had the land, if only I knew the volunteers,

if only I had my confidence, if only I could wind-down,
if only my head would screw on straight,

if only I had something fun to get up for this morning.

I'd change the world for the better,

if only I could do some yoga,

if only I could sing and dance,
If only I could go for a hike, draw a picture,

paint a masterpiece,

read a book, play a game of hacky sack,
If only I could make extravagant healthy meals,

make board games,

photograph incredible people,
If only I could clean my space, eat breakfast,

plant more herbs in my garden, go for a bike ride,
If only I could play an instrument,

start a restaurant, start up my commune...
Then I could make the world a better place.

~ Raederle Phoenix