Quality of Life

Some people like to say, "Eat well, do good, get exercise, and die anyway," as some sort of excuse for partying, being unhealthy and/or being inconsiderate. This logic has no place in a happy, fulfilling and successful life. Regardless of when you die, you want the life you live today, and tomorrow to be the best life you can possibly have. There is no excuse for not doing the best for yourself and the best you can for those you love. Even if I were going to die in six months, I still would continue my diet exactly as I do (if not do even better) because I want the highest quality for my life. The quantity is quite irrelevant.

~Raederle Phoenix Jacot

"Are you really sure that a floor can't also be a ceiling?" ~ M. C. Escher

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

In Moderation

My friend Amy posted this as her status message on facebook:

Some days I want to scream. There is nothing on this earth that is truly bad for you, so long as you have it IN MODERATION. Too much of ANYTHING is bad, and even things like Vitamins and Iron can be overdosed on. You can have too much of a good thing.

- Amy

I would like to argue that you shouldn't need to take, or be taking, any pills, ever. Most of the nutrition from vitamins is not absorbed, especially if you're not eating uncooked live foods around the vitamins in order to provide the enzymes essential to digest and process the minerals in the vitamins.

That, however, is a side issue. Is there anything that we shouldn't have in moderation, ever?

Walter said; "As I understand it, there is no amount of death that one can have that is not bad."

Well, there is that, but personally I do not feel that death is bad. When plants die they make the soil rich for new plants. We live and we die, and that is natural and normal. Not to get into my religious beliefs, but I don't believe there is anything to be afraid of when it comes to the "being dead" part. I only am concerned about dying in such a way that isn't horribly painful or drawn out.

My own initial response was as follows:

I have to disagree. You can't drink a drop of mercury small enough to not be extremely detrimental. Coming from someone who had very severe mercury poisoning as a toddler and has suffered the consequences their entire life, I disagree completely. The normal amount of mercury in your body is the amount that is normal in lands untouched by pollution and modernization.

We're no longer living in a world where everything around us is something safe to have in moderation. Let's all just eat a little paint, shall we? Before we had so many chemical-created things around us, life was a bit different. A little dirt is actually good for you, and a little bark wasn't so bad either. Our ancestors knew which plants were poisonous, and which animals as well. I'm pretty sure that you can't have bites from black widows in moderation.

Walter goes on to add: "Also, my girlfriend would like to submit 'heroin' as another example."

I replied to Walter's thought:

Indeed. Let's all snort "just a little" coke. >.>

Sorry, not to beat up on you Amy. I know that it's possible to have too much of a good thing, and that many things are fine in trace amounts. But some things just are not in the category that I feel any amount is acceptable. Another example: Is "just a little" prejudice against people of another race, religion or orientation okay?

~ Raederle

Amy responded:

Hmm...Well I was specifically talking about the things with physical substance. Not the transient things like ideas/emotions/etc. As much as you or I may think an idea is wrong, to the person thinking it, it's not. And who are we to judge them on that? Those with prejudice against gays usually have it because of their faith. And I can't tell them that their faith is wrong. Therefore as much as I don't like it, I can't tell them that they're wrong.

As for the substantial things, I could argue that I know quite a few people who have only done cocaine and other hard drugs only once or twice in their lives and no more. It has not been detrimental to their lives. Addiction is only called that when it starts to affect your ability to live in the world (keep a job, go to school, pay your bills, have personal relationships, etc.)

Remember, cocaine comes from the coca bean. Something completely natural. Weed comes from a plant. Opiates are found in poppy seeds. We are the ones who turned these natural substances (along with stuff like mercury and more) into something that we need to consider "bad."

"Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare.

Right, but eating poppy flowers and/or seeds isn't the same as extracting a part of a poppy flower and then performing chemical processes and/or refinement methods.

My response:


All good points, of course. You tend to make a lot of those.

But what about people who do acid once and then have an episode so negative that they have flashbacks for the rest of their lives? I know someone like that.

I also know someone who was so highly reactional to smoking weed that just a year of occasional smoking made his gums recede, and years and years later they have not grown back.

I know someone who was tricked into smoking crack (by a very awful person, obviously), and has never been the same person since; they became an addict off of that one shot.

I met someone once who was very loudly talking about how awful weed was, and I stayed around long enough to find out why. They had a friend who'd tried weed and even though they were not intoxicated on anything else whatsoever, they became a horribly irresponsible driver and ran over three people.

Of course, those are all examples of worst-case-scenarios. I know plenty of people who have done drugs and recovered. But again, I'm coming from a standpoint of wishing-to-goodness that I hadn't done everything I did. I now believe that I smoked some laced weed in my teens that messed up my digestive system. (It would explain a lot, and it fits perfectly.)

It's just better when you put your health first and do your best not to come in contact with things that may compromise your health. Sure, that one soda might not be the end of your life, but you never know down the line all the effects of just "a little." We don't actually know how much is too much, so if we know it's bad, why not just stay away from it all together?

Of course, there is the issue with people who believe something is bad that isn't. Then they may stay away from something that they need. For example, sunlight.

I've learned that the best defense against sunlight damage is detoxing and antioxidants. The better your pH balance, the less toxins in your sweat, and the more antioxidants you consume, the less likely sunlight is to cause burns.

Furthermore, you need sunlight. Without a certain level of sunlight daily, you will lack the vitamin D you need. No amount of milk will get you enough vitamin D, and in the process of drinking that insane amount of milk, you'll overdose on the drugs they put into the cows.

The amount of sunlight needed varies from one person to another. The darker the skin, the longer it takes to absorb the vitamin D from the sun. The further from the equator of the Earth, the longer it takes. That said, sunburning is very unhealthy and causes premature wrinkles.

So you can't avoid the sun 100% and be healthy, and you can be in the sun all day long (if you're white) and expect to be healthy either, and beyond that, you can't get the right about of sun without hurting yourself if your body is full of toxins, and your pH is too acidic.

I still think that moderating sunlight exposure; something entirely natural and normal is entirely different than moderating corn syrup.

There is nothing natural about injecting corn with bacterias and toxins in order to make it resistant to poison, then spraying it with tons (literally tons) of poison, and then harvesting it, shipping it, chemically processing it into sugar, chemically increasing the fructose ratio within the sugar and then adding that to a bunch of other lab experiments and calling it food. There is nothing natural there, and thereby, I feel I do not want any of it, ever, even in moderation. (Especially when a small amount of it would leave me feeling sick for days.)


How about, "All things in life in moderation that are given to us by nature in their unprocessed, unrefined, natural state of being." Except for things that are simply outright harmful to us, like poison ivy.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Inner Child

I have conversations in my head, I admit it.

Is that really wise? You know you're posting this online, right?

It's completely normal, and we all do it.

You can justify it all you want, but someone is going to disagree. Someone always does.

This conversation between yourself, and your other self, is a conversation (so I've just learned) between your Inner Parent and your Inner Child.

So which one am I? The Inner Parent or the Inner Child?

Hush you. I think you know.

This morning I discovered a website, by complete happenstance, that is selling a book to get you in touch with your inner child (and thereby stabilize your brain and give you peace of mind and repair all the traumatic damage your childhood did to your mind.) The site explains that your Inner Parent is formed from your experiences with your parents (or lack thereof) and that your Inner Child represents the person you were as a child.

I didn't buy the book, but I'm a clever chick. I figured out enough from the website to try out the basic exercise on my own.

The basic exercise is as follows:

  • You hold a conversation, on purpose, between your Inner Child and your Inner Parent.

  • The conversation lasts exactly thirty minutes.

  • You want to spend no more than thirty minutes because you don't want to over-indulge your inner child.

  • You don't want to spend less than thirty minutes because that communicates to your inner child that you don't care. Your Inner Child may try to trick you by suggesting to stop early. Continuing on shows that you care.

  • You want to stick to thirty minutes also because this shows consistency. Not following through on what you plan to do is hard on your Inner Child just as it's hard on children when parents don't do what they promise to do.

  • The Inner Parent speaks out-loud.

  • The Inner Child speaks inside your mind.

  • You record everything you say either on paper, or on your computer. Write down each and every single word you say, without altering it.

  • If you do it on paper, draw a line down the center to make two columns. If on the computer, create a basic table and then put each question in the box to the left and the response (of your Inner Child) in the corresponding box of the table on the right. If you can not create a table easily and quickly on your computer, paper will be more comfortable for you.

  • Write the Parent part on the left, and the Child part on the right. Inner Parent asks questions. Inner Child answers.

  • After everything the Inner Child says, Inner Parent must say: "Thank you, Inner Child, for telling me that." I found this part to be very important and very helpful.

It makes the switch in my mind back to Inner Parent complete. At one part, where I was crying my eyes out, just saying the mantra "Thank you, Inner Child, for telling me that," I felt better. Not just better, I should say, but rather, like a switch had flipped and I was no longer in touch with the emotions that had just been making me cry and convulse.

  • You always say "Thank you, Inner Child, for telling me that." No matter what the Inner Child says, even if your Inner Child asks a question.

  • Do the exercise in the morning. The exercise will generate positive energy which will dissipate (at least partly) as you sleep. By doing it in the morning, you carry the effects with you all day long.

I found this exercise to be very uplifting and enlightening. ...Like all these unresolved issues and stresses inside came to the surface. It was like having a good cry, an hour's-long conversation with a good friend, and writing a good journal entry all wrapped up into a short half-hour session. I loved it, and I'm going to do it again tomorrow morning.

I felt that the responses from my Inner Child came naturally – so naturally that my vocabulary was even different. I wrote "grown-up" instead of "adult" when my Inner Child was speaking, which really surprised me. There were other similar instances of unusual vocabulary and word usage in general. Your Inner Child really is right there, under the surface, just waiting for you to talk to it.

This is obviously very personal, but because I found it so very beneficial, I'm going to share most of the session I had this morning.


[January 6th 2011]

Inner Child

[Session #1]

Good morning Inner Child. This is going to be my very first conversation with you. I'd like to ask you a few questions.

[Warm sensation in chest.]

Are you okay with this?

Yes. I am. I like this idea.

Is there anything troubling you?

I miss Mom. I feel trapped here. There is no outside source of protection.

What do you miss about Mom?

I miss hugging her. I miss knowing she is there. I miss the security and feeling safe. I felt special and loved.

Why don't you feel loved now?

I do feel loved, but it's in a different way. It's not as safe and as warm.

Why do you feel trapped, Inner Child?

There is no where to go, no where to run to. There is nothing outside. I am in a cave, by my self and there is no way out. There are responsibilities, and they never end.

What would make you feel less trapped?

Flowers. Plants. Fresh air.

Is there anything else you'd like to tell me about flowers, plants and fresh air?

I want to play. I feel playful around flowers and plants and fresh air.

What else makes you feel playful?

Feeling loved. Kisses, hugs, jumping, running, smiling, laughing, dancing, singing, swimming, ice skating...

What would make you feel more special?


Is there anything else that you miss?

I miss having help. Nobody helps me do anything anymore. I have to figure everything out on my own.

What do you want help with?

Everything! Everything is so much easier when someone helps me. Even if it is only a little help.

What do you want help with the most?

Making food.

Inner Child, do you feel beautiful?

Yes. My husband loves me, and it makes me feel beautiful.

Inner Child, what do you feel about Jay?

He is kind. He is like a new father. He pays attention to me. He makes me feel loved and warm. His hair is pretty. I like his company. I wish he was around more. I like his help.

Inner Child, what else is on your mind?

Food. I think about it more than I eat it. It isn't right.

Is there anything else bothering you, Inner Child?

I think Dad is depressed. I'm not even there to do anything about it. I can't do anything! I hate being helpless. I am far away and I can not hug him and tell him that it is alright and that I love him very much. I miss him. I just got to know him and then he was gone. And it hurts so very much that I can't let him know how I feel and that he can't understand... That we can't understand each other correctly. I want him to know how much I love him, and how important he is to me, but I'm afraid he won't believe me. I miss him. I miss him so much.

If Dad were here right now, Inner Child, what would you say to him?

I love you Dad. I'm sorry I wasn't the child you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I never paid enough attention. You were at work so much, and I didn't feel like I had the chance... The reason... The opportunity... I didn't have a way to connect with you. I felt like you were distant, and I wish I could have closed the gap. I wish I could have tried harder to get to know you better while we still had so much time we could have spent together. I'm so very sorry. I feel like it's my fault, like your unhappiness is my fault. Like if I had been a better daughter, then you'd be happier now.

Inner Child, why are you crying?

Because it's hard to think about my regrets and what I wish I were doing.

Inner Child, what would make you feel happier towards Dad?

Being able to hug him.

Inner Child... Why... What do you want to do?

I want to play. I'm tired of trying to “be productive” all the time.

Inner Child, do you know what “our” heart hurts?

Yes. It's because I hurt. Duh.

Inner Child, do you feel that childhood was enough?

Yes – no – sometimes. I'm not sure. Sometimes I feel ready to move on, but sometimes I just want to curl up and go to sleep and forget I have to be a grown-up now.

What do you think of this conversation, Inner Child?

I think it's wonderful. We never talk like this anymore. Nobody talks to me at all anymore. I feel like I am dying – dead. I feel gone, and withered. I feel smothered and hurt. I feel like nobody cares that I exist. I am small, shrunken... I am unheard.

What would make you feel heard, Inner Child?

I don't know.

Where do you go when you feel unheard?

Deeper. I snuggle down into this thick black... blanket. It's liquid, but warm and fluffy. I hide inside and nobody can see me. You like it when I am unseen, right?

Why would you feel like I don't want to see you, Inner Child?

Because I make us look like a fool. I am wrong. I am immature. I don't belong. I don't fit in. I am not good enough. I am not like everyone else. I am not okay. It is not okay to be me.

Why do you feel like you're wrong, Inner Child?

Because I am! I make mistakes and then we're in trouble.

What sort of mistake are you afraid of making, Inner Child?

One I can't repair. One where nobody will love me anymore. I don't want to make a mistake where people I love will not look at me, will not talk to me, will not respect me – will not hug me, hold me, care about me anymore. I am going to hurt people I love if I do not hide.

Inner Child, where would you feel happier?

In loving arms. I miss being hugged. I no longer feel hugged when I'm hugged because it's not me being hugged. It's you! It's always you. You've killed me. I feel murdered.

Inner Child... What should I do, I need to be stronger to face the world, and I don't know how to feel strong when I'm... you...?

Let me out when nobody is looking. I'll behave.

Inner Child, what do you feel would constitute as misbehaving?

I'm not sure. Saying something that would get me in trouble... Forgetting something important. Leaving the door unlocked. Not making the bed. Making a mess... I guess.

Inner Child, how do you feel about memories of A Special Person I Won't Name?

He was wonderful! He talked to me all the time! He was always there for me... Sort-of. Well, I mean, he was good to me. He tried to acknowledge me and play with me. He talked to me for so long. He let me play with his Inner Child. We were friends. We were real friends.

Inner Child, we don't have much time left... What is the most pressing thought left?

I'm not sure there is anything “pressing” Mommy. I felt done. Thank you for talking to me.

Inner Child, we have one minute left... What else comes to mind?

Colors. I like to paint. We should spend more time painting. I love painting. And more music. There isn't enough art or music in our life. We need to play more. Please remember to play with me? And please, please talk to me again! I feel heard again, somewhat, at least. I missed talking. I missed it a lot. Thank you so much for listening to me.

Something I find fascinating is that I called myself "Mommy" in that second last response. Isn't that odd? I found it so natural and easy to assume two different selves; one parent, one child... It's as though I really have been divided this way all along, and I somehow didn't quite know it.

Also, isn't it miraculous that my Inner Child thanked me for talking to "her"? I found that astonishing too. Luckily I can type fast enough to capture my thoughts before I try to edit them. I would have a hard time doing this long-hand, personally.

You can buy the book if you want, but for me, I think I can come up with my own questions easily enough. I may buy the book just to be supportive or to see what else I can learn, but for now I'm happy enough with the new exercise as it is. The website is here.

If more of my personal angst interests you, I have recently put up my teenage angst-y poetry for public view here.

On a more serious note, more of my thoughts about how the brain works; here.

Also, I have an absurd pride for the food I eat every day (since learning to eat this way has taken years of research and adaptation), so I have this nifty photo log of my daily diet.

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to comment with your thoughts. Also, I'd love to read your session with your Inner Child. You may e-mail it to pitifulbarbie@aol.com with the title "My conversation with my Inner Child." It's very important you use that title so that I don't mistake it for spam.